The question of whether to believer Her is first
Until more spoke of being coerced.
Revelations of further horrors revealed
While all these Millionaires continue to shield.

We feel it from an age we shouldn’t be aware
A word, a whistle, a glance and a stare
Warning about the school caretaker when I was 10
Trying to get the little girls into his den.

Even now on our fair isle, the misogyny is active
From The Liberties, to Colleges, Artists all Girls and Women impacted
Women subjected to violence and control
While perps continue to get their payroll.

But how can so many continue in silence
The quiet now reeks of further compliance
Afraid to speak up cos of a power so great
Leaving all girls to a despicable fate.

Together we are rising and shouting out loud
Sharing our story and standing so proud
And for each Woman ever called a whore
I stand here and say I am Woman, Hear Me ROAR.

Blind Drive runs roughshod demanding to heal
Pain runs deep, just push through the feels
Each movement triggering a feeling of panic
This is not healing, this is not organic

I know there is a place where My Body is free
A place I can move and experience such glee
But I cannot bypass the reality of now
Acceptance of the Clochan must happen somehow

I offer Acceptance from the Core of my being
Acceptance is actually the key to freeing
No agenda, no push, just sitting in this place
My body as it is now, I safely embrace.

When I as a newbie joined the WhatsApp swim group
You showed me where to meet the troup.
The only time I swam out to the boats
You swam beside me ensuring I was afloat.
We celebrated our birthdays one day apart
You made such an impression on my heart.
And then when my Dad was laid to rest
On return You were the first to hug me to your chest.
Even though you were supposed to keep apart
Again you were so tender with my broken heart.
When me n Mam needed an engineer
Thanks to you - your guidance so clear.
We now look forward to making our nest
For knowing you we are very blessed.
I will not pretend to have been an intimae friend
Or known your journey to this sad end
But Orla you made such an impression on me
On those days we connected down by the sea.
I will see you in the glistening sun rays
Thinking of you on blissful swim days.
And while your legacy is all around
Especially in the planned playground
I know there is many who would say
Please can we have just one more fun day.

Grief - I need you to schedule an appointment.
Cos there’s days you turn up like a fly in the ointment.
I mean I don’t deny that you’re around
But it’s bloody annoying this rocky ground
Can we not just set a date to embrace
You can join me at my place.
I’ll set myself up with a movie guaranteed
To release the tears at very high speed.
Sure once I’m there I’ll play a song
My voice choking as I try to sing along
But this sudden appearance you make
Is beginning to give me a belly ache.
But then I ponder there would be a cost
Spontaneity of emotions becoming totally lost
Feelings of love waiting for date night
Laughter suspended to get the green light.
Ok I get it these feelings are part of humanity
But grief really does challenge my sanity.
Perhaps the reality I’m coming to see
Grief is always a part of me.

Are you only comfortable when I am happy?
When I am strong for you?
Can you sit with me when I crumble under the weight of the void?
Can you hold me when the tears rack through my body?
Can you be strong for me?

Don’t try to fix me because you are not comfortable with me like this.
Don’t wait for me to fix myself either.
What a gift this pain is
To show those who embrace me exactly as I am right now.
Who lean into the void with me.
Who are not afraid of the intensity of me.
It is those who I will keep with me for the Joy times.
Not those who are waiting or trying, To Fix me.

The Irish, We know how to do funerals
I’ve heard this said.
And for the most part I agreed.

We bring them home to “Wake” them
Gathering together, the final good bye
Shared with a Toast.
We laugh and cry in the one sentence
No need to sanctify anyone,
The stories shared keeping it real and in humour.
The friends and neighbours that rally
Deliveries of cakes and dinners, cards and flowers.
People ready with a story, quote, a laugh of your loved one.

In times not long gone
As a funeral cortege would pass
People would pause.
Many bowing their heads.
Others blessing themselves.
A moment to pay respect to the stranger on their last journey.

This has been my experience
Except.

The funeral cortege got ready to leave.
I was head car, my car’s black too
A mere ironic coincidence.
I slipped in behind the hearse.
The other cars sliding in behind me.
A united procession.

But then a roundabout.
I stuck like glue to the hearse as they edged out.
I almost caught the van driver counting, 1, 2, thats it.
No more, he moved forward breaking the chain.
Ok, perhaps justified,
How does he know where the cortege ends.
And he’s working after all.

Onwards we go.
A road of 3 lanes.
Another van driver, determined to break the chain.
But to my shock, between me and the hearse.
I swerved but held steady, I would not be separated.
Van driver not happy.
A moment later, same thing, another Van driver.
Then a truck bearing down, thankfully went behind me. Phew.

Ireland what have we become?
Where is our empathy?
The respect so available before
For those deceased and their loved ones
Will we loose our ability to do funerals well,
In a fast paced world too busy to pause and show respect?
What have we become?

To Maurice. 16/04/44 - 01/10/24.

Its such a woo word of our time.
Oh you must surrender to the journey.
To the unseen forces around.
Surrender is how you evolve.
Blah Blah Blah.

Have you thought about what the word means.
To Surrender is to give up.
To submit to an authority.
To stop resisting an opponent.

I will not.
It feels weak, defeatist almost.
But neither do I want to Battle.
There is always another Way.
Another Word.

To Allow.
I Allow myself to flow with the challenges I face.
Here is the choice, a path that serves.
This feels most right for me now.

Because Words matter.
The words I use,
The energy they generate.
And I become more discerning about the words I align with.

For the water of my shower to warm a little more.

I wait for a gap in the cars that go by.

For the pedestrian crossing safely in front.

I wait for the high tides to do my dip.

For the big night out to wear that new dress.

But that was before.

Now I know what waiting really is.

I wait in a limbo of watching my Dad.

No longer living and not quite dying.

I wait with him as he moves closer to the exit.

This is what waiting really is.

A waiting I can never control.

Waiting.

So now I sing for the kettle to boil.

It’s ok to Be as the shower heats up.

I pause as the cars go by, but now observing their drivers, someone I know? A wave Hi Hi.

I plan my dips around the tide, whether it’s in or out… yeah it’s ok to have a preference.

And I wear that dress.

Because I can.

Because I must.

A life gets lived beyond the Waiting.

Its not that I’m adverse to hugging a tree
Or burning incense all over me.
I thought the corporate world was all toxic
But the world of Woo is just as catastrophic.
For it has those who are equally flawed
Its not everyone you should applaud.

There will always be those who try to steal
Their true selves they willingly conceal
As they celebrate your success to your face
In secret their behaviour is a disgrace.
So I take my time in learning to trust
Heeding my gut instinct is a must.

So while I chant and sing and ground
The circle I let in I keep close around
And if you think to go behind my back
Its not me you’ll fear or my attack
For Karma I know will find a way
And that’s a big price You will pay.

Food is love, calories are war,
Mortal combat… Fuck that
Addictive lineage, I can’t ignore
Go back to low-fat… Fuck that.

Be the good girl, now give them a twirl
The good girl can’t chat… Fuck that.
Loosing my voice loosing my choice
Becoming a doormat… Fuck that.

Fuck that I scream
Come be on my team.
Fuck that I yell,
I ain’t going to hell.
Fuck that I repeat
As I create my own beat.

Emily said we are way too nice
Its been such a big price.
But I’m not here to sacrifice
The madness they think is paradise…
Fuck That
Fuck That
Fuck That

I kept myself together
In search of better weather.
Homeopathy came to me.
And it was with such glee,
I moved myself West
And thought it was the best.

Again alone I tried to handle
Until that HINT call I heard Daniel
He talked about VAST and the community
My body sensed the biggest opportunity.

6months on and I can’t believe
All that has been achieved.
Now when I feel all alone,
The VAST group have really shown
The true meaning of connection
Is giving me a new direction.

Emily is at the helm
The VAST team helping the overwhelm.
My Listening Partners see I’m good
I feel so understood.
Core is all the Peace
Generative field on the increase.
Aspects revealing more and more
Drive will reveal all to explore.

My strategy to comfort eat.
Food was always my treat.
But now I learn to allow the feels.
These feelings have big reveals.
This body of mine I saw as ugly,
Is pretty damn fucking lovely.

I take a stand against the Victim
And lots of other oppressive system.
Objective Witness brings great insight.
Grá no more to dim that light.
No more to feel so alone.
I have a sense of coming Home.

Paul 6 weeks after birth
On Valentines Day buried in the dirt
The baby who never grew
The Brother I never knew.

Both holding on
Never really gone
I love you with all my heart
Its time for you both to depart
To fully embrace the Light
No need to hold me so tight

On this Solstice Day
Into my field I made my Way.
To pray into the air
To the wind to carry the pair
The lineage will always be
And I am still always Me.